The Astor Street Opry Company
Welcomes you to the show
But before Shanghaied begins
There are a few things you should know.

The rules for a melodrama
Assure all a good time.
Enjoying yourself is of course
The most important guideline.

When actors enter upon the stage
There are things to say and do.
For Sneak the snake, you "Hiss-sssss"
And Krooke deserves a "Boooooo"!

Applaud and cheer for Eric
'cause he's such a charming guy,
And Virginia Sweet is greeted
With a heavy sigh.

Feel free to throw your popcorn
Whenever the moment should call,
But make sure kernels are fully popped
So actors don't slip and fall.

Nothing else should be thrown on stage
No cups, no beer, nothing more,
No paper air planes, no bar snacks
No dirty popcorn from the floor.

And a designated driver
Should be picked for every car.
Or call a taxi when you've had
Too many trips to the bar.

Lastly, to prevent any problems,
Before things get out of hand,
Against the wall in the back of the room,
Stands our Security Man...